


Game Grumps: Tales Of Dan's Roommate Vincent

by KingOfHearts709



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Game Grumps Stories, Humour, stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 14:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5459420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingOfHearts709/pseuds/KingOfHearts709
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laugh along as you delve into the stories of Dan's roommate, Vincent, and the odd things that happened in the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Neatfreak

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I put myself into this story for two reasons:  
> 1\. I wanted to be in the story.  
> 2\. I needed a person to be the roommate and I don't know anyone better than myself.
> 
> This is going to have multiple parts which will continue so long as I keep getting ideas. Most of them are just based on stuff that happened to me.  
> Also, while you're reading, most of the text involves them laughing while they talk. It's just like watching a Game Grumps episode where they tell a funny story. xoxo

D: Oh, shit, did I ever tell you about my old roommate in Philly?  
A: Uh, no. Have you?  
D: Okay, so, and this was way back, I had this roommate back in Philly. His name was Vincent.  
A: Really? Like Vincent Price?  
D: Yeah, exactly. But, you know, I recently got back in contact with him and, like, he's basically the same guy.  
A: After all this time, really?  
D: Yeah. I mean, not to make it seem like he's an asshole, but he hasn't changed at all.  
A: Why would that make him an asshole?  
D: Well, I guess... Yeah, I mean it in, like, a sense of he still has certain habits he hasn't dropped.  
A: Like herbal smokage of the weed?  
D: No, no, Arin. Jesus. But, uh, so, for example, in Philly, our house was pretty organised, right? You know, there was a place for everything. You walk into my room, it's alright. A couple shirts and some stuff laying around.  
A: Yeah.  
D: Yeah, but if you walked into Vince’s room, it was like a fucking hospital room in there. Immaculate, everything was polished, everything vacuumed and, like, sorted perfectly.  
A: So he was, like, a neatfreak.  
D: Yeah, exactly. Like a neatfreak. I didn't care, it was his room, but the problem we had was he would push the neatfreakiness on the rest of the house. Like, we had a key hook? My keys went on the right, and his went on the left hook. If I accidentally put my keys on the left hook, he would do this, ready? This is what he would say. “I can't believe you would do this to me.”  
A: He was all offended and shit!  
D: Yeah. Like, the toilet paper is facing the wrong way on the wheel, just... “How could you betray me like this?”  
A: Well, I mean, he had to have been joking a little bit.  
D: Yeah, after a while, it just became, like, his little quirk, I guess.  
A: Everyone's got quirks, I guess.  
D: Yeah. And that's still a habit that he holds true to this day.  
A: Did he tell you that?  
D: Actually, yeah. When we were talking, we went out, like, for coffee or whatever, and I asked him, “So how've you been? What's going on?” And he looks me dead in the eyes and says, “I can't stop fucking cleaning shit.”  
A: He fucking said that?  
D: Yeah, yeah! And he was super serious about it, I got all concerned for him and shit. I was like, “You okay, man?” And he just shook his head. Like, I half-expected him to start, like, wiping down the fucking tables at Starbucks.  
A: Wow, well, I mean, at least he's clean, right?  
D: Cleaner than Mr. Clean. Without the shiny bald head.


	2. Oh, So You're Not Gay?

A: Maybe this would be a good time for another Vincent story.  
D: You think?  
A: Yeah. Like, how did you meet him?  
D: Oh, shit. I have to remember.  
A: Yeah.  
D: Oh, yeah! I remember now. So this was still back in Philly, and I remember, I was sitting at, like, this café or whatever. And so, I'm by myself, and then Vince walks in.  
A: But you don't know him yet.  
D: Well, like, I've seen him before and we've held awkward glances at each other.  
A: What, like a staring contest?  
D: Kind of. More like we kept looking around the café for stuff to do and occasionally, our eyes would meet and we'd give each other polite smiles before we just started fucking looking around again.  
A: You're like, “What's up? We're both bored. Cool. Later.”  
D: Yes, exactly like that. And so, one day, Vince walks in and instead of walking to another table, he approaches me directly and points to the seat across from me.  
A: Did you let him sit down?  
D: No, Arin, I kicked his ass.  
A: “How dare you ask to sit across from me?”  
D: Yeah. So I nodded and he sat down. We introduced ourselves and talked about shit. Just, like, things that were happening in our lives. And so, and I'll never forget this, it goes silent for a few moments. I'm silently drinking my coffee and he's just staring at me. But, like, really staring. So I go, “You okay there?” and out of nowhere, he blurts out, “You are the hottest person I have ever seen in my life.”  
A: He fucking hit on you?  
D: Yeah! Like, I almost spit out my coffee, but what's even funnier is that the next words out of my mouth, sincerely, were, “You really think so?”  
A: Did you have a moment there?  
D: Yeah!  
A: So, he purposefully hit on you and you were like, “Yeah, okay.”  
D: Well, I mean, I guess I was so stunned that I just blacked out for a second, because he nodded and started laughing a little bit, and I was just, “What's so funny?” ‘cause I had no idea what was going on.  
A: Did he, like, get all embarrassed?  
D: We both did. Yeah, ‘cause he started saying that he thought I would tell him to go away, but instead, I just babbled some shit. So I said, “I'm not going to say that because you think I'm hot.” ‘Cause that's just rude.  
A: But this time, you knew what you were saying.  
D: Kind of. Like, I heard words come out of my mouth but I was half-sure of what they were. And so, what he does next is he asks me if he can have my phone number and I agree and we exchange and then he leaves. And a couple days later, he calls me and asks me out on a date.  
A: Holy shit! Did you go?  
D: Well, when we were talking, he didn't use the word ‘date’. He said, “Let's hang out.” And so we essentially went on a date. I'm trying to remember what we did.  
A: I swear to fucking God, if he took you to a fancy restaurant, I'm going to laugh my ass off.  
D: He didn't, I know that much. I think, and this might be wrong, but I think we, like, went on a picnic or something and just hung out.  
A: How was it?  
D: It was pretty good, I'm not going to lie. But the kicker happened at the very end of the date. And so, he was driving me home, and when we stopped, like, he gave me this look.  
A: He fucking didn't.  
D: No, he did. He leaned in to kiss me and I moved my head back, like, against the fucking window. And he got all confused and asked me what was wrong, and I just asked him why he was leaning in. And, really slowly, he just said, “Well, we went on a date, so I thought I'd give you a goodnight kiss.”  
A: Jesus Christ! But you didn't, did you?  
D: No, I didn't. At least, I don't think I did. I'll have to ask next time I see him. But I told him, “I'm, like, not into you like that.” and he pauses for a moment before he asks, “So you're not gay?” and I just slowly shake my head no. And he nods. I get out of the car and he drives off like fucking nothing happened.  
A: Wait, so did you guys still talk after that?  
D: Well, obviously we did, Arin. But for, like, a week, his didn't call me at all and he didn't show up to the café. So I call him and he answers all shyly and apologises a bunch of times and I just go, “Hey, man, it's okay. We can still be friends, right?”  
A: So you friendzoned him.  
D: Well, I mean, I already did once I told him I wasn't gay. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I'm just not into guys.  
A: Right.  
D: Vince is super into guys, though. Like, nowadays, if you're first meeting him, one of the first things he'll say is, “I'm really, really gay.”  
A: Oh, dude, I have got to meet Vince.  
D: Yeah, you should. But, uh, yeah. That's how I met Vincent. He said I was hot and we went on a date. End of story.  
A: I can't wait to find out if he remembers whether or not you kissed him, though.  
D: Oh, I'm sure that if I did, the memory is fucking burned into his brain.

Extended  
A: Did you want to call him and ask right now?  
D: Actually, yeah, let's call him. I'll put him on speaker.  
V: Hello?  
D: Hey, man.  
V: Oh, hey, uh, what's up?  
D: Nothing, I'm just here with my friend, Arin.  
V: Hey, Arin.  
A: Hey, man.  
V: So, uh, what's up, what do you need?  
D: Well, you're, uh, you're on Game Grumps right now.  
V: Really? Should I say hi to everyone?  
D: Yeah, sure, say hi.  
V: Hey, everyone! I'm Dan's old roommate!  
A: Hey, so, uh, Dan has a question for you.  
V: Yeah? What's up, Dan?  
D: Alright, so... You remember that time when we first met and you took me on a picnic?  
V: I think so. Was this at that café place?  
D: Yeah, yeah.  
V: Oh, yeah, I remember all of that.  
D: So, we told the story on Game Grumps, about twenty minutes ago.  
V: The whole thing?  
D: Yeah.  
V: Oh, no! Dan, why would you do that?  
D: Well, we didn't get all of it because I couldn't remember what happened when you were dropping me off.  
V: Like, something specific, or the entire thing?  
D: Specifically, I mean, what I can't remember was whether or not I kissed you at all.  
V: If you kissed me?  
D: Yeah. Do you remember what happened?  
V: Uh... Am I allowed to say this on your show?  
D: Say it all, it's fine.  
V: Okay, well... I remember I leaned in and you, like, weren't into it. And then you left.  
D: So I didn't?  
V: I didn't say that.  
D: Okay, okay.  
V: But, uh, so it was like a week or something before you made me come over because I wouldn't talk to you, I think. And then when I showed up, I, like, started crying or something and you couldn't get me to stop crying, and I guess you felt bad for me or something, so you, like... You just went for it and kissed me so I would stop crying.  
D: Is that what happened?  
V: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Dude, I'm not fucking lying here.  
A: Oh, my God! Dan, you kissed Vince!  
D: Hey, you were a member of The D Club, don't start judging me!  
V: No, but that's what happened. But I remember that you specifically told me a while later that it was because you felt bad for rejecting me.  
D: Okay.  
V: But yeah, that's what I remember. After that, I just made sure to tell everyone what I was into so no one got confused.  
D: Yeah, I know. Well, thanks, Vince!  
V: Yeah, yeah, anytime, man. Stay cool.  
D: Yeah, you too, man.  
A: So you kissed him?  
D: What are we in, fucking middle school? I kissed a guy! It's 2015, gay marriage is legal and gay people are everywhere.  
A: Are you going to marry Vince?  
D: He's already married, Arin!  
A: Well, buddy, it looks like you missed out on a real catch.  
D: I hate you.


	3. Sleepy Christmas Cooking Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This actually happened to me. xoxo

D: Oh, God, this is making me sleepy right now.  
A: Really? Do you need nap time?  
D: Did I ever tell you about the time my old roommate Vincent took a nap?  
A: Uh, I assume he took many naps.  
D: Well, he did, but one time he took one and it was the funniest thing.  
A: What did he do?  
D: Well, it was in December one year, and for some reason, he was really tired. But not, like, physically tired, but like his brain couldn't stay awake.  
A: Oh, I get that feeling every time I, like, work on something for too long.  
D: Yeah, me too. Like, I get it when I sing too much sometimes. But, to this day, no one knows how Vince came to take this type of nap in December. So, I left Vince home, at the apartment, for a little while because I had some stuff to do, and when I come home, I expect him to be in his room. He's not there.  
A: Was he somewhere else?  
D: Well, see, when Vince took naps, he would always take them in his room. If he took them on the couch, he would always be upset when he woke up. But I found him, dead asleep on the couch.  
A: Really?  
D: Yeah, and I knew he hated sleeping there, so it was kind of weird. Here, I'll give you a full image description of what it looked like. There was Vince, half-hanging off the couch with a Santa hat covering half his face, there was a spoon next to his face but there was, like, no food out. The TV remote was in his hand and the TV was playing some random cooking show.  
A: What, why did he have a spoon?  
D: We don't know, no one knows! I woke him up and asked him what happened and he looked at me and said, “Santa was making cake.”  
A: So, a spoon, a Santa hat, a cooking show and Vince sleeping on the couch. With no explanation.  
D: Yeah. We've theorised many different things. My favourite was that his soul had left his body while he was asleep and just barely made it back as soon as he woke up.  
A: Wow, really?  
D: Yeah, but the more obvious conclusion was that he was super delirious from sleep deprivation and started doing things until he passed out.  
A: What happened after that?  
D: Well, I gave him an aspirin, some coffee and we watched movies the rest of the night.  
A: Sounds great.  
D: Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure he fell asleep again and then he woke up after five minutes again.  
A: I think Vince came from Hell.  
D: Trust me, he tells me that every time we discuss the odd things that happen to him.


	4. I Swear It Was Platonic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't judge me, I like bringing out the gayness.  
> Mostly because I'm way too gay for this world. xoxo

D: Oh, my God. Hey, welcome back to Game Grumps.  
A: Hey. Uh, Dan, why don't you tell everyone why you're laughing so hard?  
D: Oh, okay. So, my friend Vince, my old roommate, he texted me a few minutes ago about something. And then I texted him back this sassy response and he replied with, “Don't make me remind you about Blockbuster.”  
A: Blockbuster?  
D: Yeah. Uh, one of Vince's first jobs when I knew him was at Blockbuster, before it got shut down. But... I might've told this story before, but I'll break it down. Vince, uh, asked me out the first time we met and it got really awkward because he didn't know I wasn't gay and all that.  
A: Oh, right, yeah.  
D: Yeah, and, you know, we both agreed that the one time I kissed him was because I felt bad about it.  
A: Yeah. I can't make fun of you for it, though, because of The D Club.  
D: Yeah, but, so apparently, I had forgotten about the Blockbuster incident.  
A: Why don't you enlighten us all with the, uh, the Blockbuster incident?  
D: Yeah, okay. So Vince and I, we've already been roommates for, like, a while. And he's working at Blockbuster. Everyone knows about how he's gay and what's up. But one day, he comes home and he's all annoyed and tired, and I ask him what's wrong. And apparently, there was the girl at Blockbuster who kept flirting with him and she wouldn't stop even when he told her, you know, “I'm gay.”  
A: She didn't yell at him for it?  
D: No, I guess she just didn't believe him or something. So I tell him to wave it off because, you know, he probably won’t see her again. She came back the next day.  
A: Did she really?  
D: Yeah, and Vince was, like, “Jesus Christ, dude, I’m going to go insane over here.”  
A: So how does this tie into the time when you first met him?  
D: Well, so, he tried to deal with it for a week. A whole fucking week.  
A: Jesus!  
D: Yeah! And then, finally, we agreed that, like, we’d get her to stop somehow. And so what happened was this: He was at Blockbuster, like, behind the counter. And the girl was there, you know, asking stupid questions or something and...saying shit, you know. And I walked in, went around the back of the counter, and stood next to him.  
A: Oh, my God, are you for fucking real?  
D: Yeah. We had a plan that I would go in and act as well as I could that I was with him so she would stop bugging him. It didn’t work at first, you know. She kind of just stared at me and was like, “Um... Excuse me... He’s busy,” in this super annoying voice, like a chipmunk.  
A: So what did you say?  
D: I looked over at Vince, and I went, “Oh, I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t realise I was going to distract you,” or some shit like that.  
A: Oh, my God!  
D: Yeah, and she was all, “So... You’re gay?” and Vince just nodded slowly, like, “Jesus fucking Christ, I’ve been telling you this shit for a week!”  
A: But the important part was that she left him alone, right?  
D: Like, she did to an extent. She stopped showing up after about a month, probably because she was all fucking embarrassed. I think the only problem with it was that the manager was walking by as this happened and he got super confused.  
A: Yeah?  
D: Yeah. The one other time I saw him, I had to pick up Vince from Blockbuster because I needed the car throughout the day, and the manager was walking by. And when I got out of the car to wait for Vince, he walked by me and just fucking stared at me.  
A: What, he didn’t, like say anything?  
D: No!  
A: Like, no, “Have fun driving your boyfriend home,” type stuff?  
D: Nothing. Like, both Vince and I knew for a fact that we weren’t into each other at all. Like, literally nothing was there. But the manager just assumed that we were dating or some shit and he just stared at me, like, “I know your secret, but I won’t say it out loud.”  
A: Dude, that’s fucking awesome.  
D: Yeah. Oh, fuck, I forgot. The girl, while we were doing our whole plan thing with the counter and all that, she kind of crossed her arms, like, “Prove it,” and Vince had to kiss my cheek so she would believe him.  
A: Twice! You kissed him twice!  
D: It was fucking platonic, dude!  
A: No, I know, but, I mean, dude, you did it.  
D: Yeah, I know. Fucking Vince, man.  
A: You’re fucking Vince?  
D: Arin, I swear to God, I hate you.


	5. The Lisp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thtupid lithp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, when I'm super fucking angry, I do get a slight lisp to my s'. It's due to my overbite. xoxo

D: What the fuck is up, guys?  
A: Hey, welcome to...rage and death.  
V: I'm also here.  
D: Yeah, hey! Uh, so, what's your name?  
V: Vincent...  
A: Where are you from?  
V: Philly...?  
D: Okay. Cool.  
V: Are we going to play, or...  
D: Right, okay. So, welcome to Guest Grumps, and we're playing New Super Mario Bros. 2 on the DS.  
V: I'm going to say it now: I fucking hate this game.  
D: What, really? You chose this game, too!  
V: No, I mean, I hate it in, like, a loving way. Imagine Ross.  
A: Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, but, why do you hate this game?  
V: Well, I mean, I hate Nintendo games like this in general, in a good way, because, like, I have to complete the whole thing no matter what.  
D: Oh, that's right! You were fucking adamant about finishing... What was it, the original Mario Bros?  
V: Yeah, that was the first. But- Well, so recently, I just finished Super Mario 3D Land completely through.  
A: Dude, really? I thought that last level was really hard.  
V: Yeah, but dude, I've got, like, an OCD for completing games! It sucks.  
D: Vincent the Finishest over here.  
V: Shut up, okay, so I got to the last level, and- Well, I just couldn't beat it, so... And, of course, I'm, like, visiting my parents, too, which they're finally living in Missouri now. Shout-out to my parentals!  
A: And, additionally, all parentals.  
V: Yeah. Well, so I was really, like, freaking out over this fuckin level, man, and, like, my husband is in the other room, and my brother's just laughing his fucking ass off at me-  
D: How fucking pissed did you get at this level?  
V: Well, it eventually got to the point where my mom, dad, brother, and husband all had to point out that my lisp was coming through?  
A: You have a lisp?  
V: Yeah, well, usually when I'm pretty angry, so I just sounded like, “Thith game thuckth! Mom, thith game fucking thuckth!” and she goes, “Can I try?” and I just yell something like, “No, Mom, I have to beat it mythelf! No cheating!”  
A: Oh, my God, dude, really? So, you had to have four people point out to you that your anger lisp was coming out?  
D: You know, I do remember one time when you were playing Mario Bros and at some point you just threw the controller and went, “Fuck thith game!” and stormed away, and I was all, like, “What the fuck was that?”  
V: Get ready, though, because soon, my lisp will be guaranteed to make an appearance today with this game. I have never beaten this game before.  
A: Wow, I thought you'd have already conquered Nintendo's game collection?  
D: Dude, do you know how many Sonic games are even on a Nintendo system? Furthermore, do you knows how aggravating I imagine it must be to complete those games through and through?  
V: Um, actually, I have beaten that one game, uh... Sonic Boom, for the Wii U? Without cheating.  
A: You know what, Vincent, you're a true veteran, you deserve the world.  
D: And all of the Sonic it comes with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, I DID beat Super Mario 3D Land all by myself (with walkthroughs, but they were my hands in the works), and I did tell my mom that I couldn't cheat and that I had to beat it myself. I don't risk that type of stuff, Nintendo is serious business.  
> I hope to get Sonic Boom for the Wii U one day, and to start off, I'll play Sonic And The Black Knight one day on my Wii. xoxo


End file.
